I hated public speaking. The very thought of it turned by stomach to mush. In times past, I was made to speak publicly on various occasions, and each time, I became physically sick at the very thought of it.
In college, I had my first speech class, which of course, was mandatory for me to take, else I would certainly have forgone the pleasure. I use to tell my friends that it was a good thing I was only required to take one, for if two had been demanded, I never would have graduated. I simply would not have taken that course again, for any bribe, under any circumstances, or for any prize.
Now mind you, I have never had the experience of one man I once heard of who, upon standing before the church having been called on to give his testimony, went totally and absolutely blank when his eyes settled upon the congregation.
At first, there had seemed to be some hope for him as he walked forward – slowly yes, but somehow determinedly. As he reached the podium and turned to face the congregation, everyone noticed that his eyes were either closed, or simply looking downward to notes of some kind. (The congregation always looks to see if notes are used.) It was then, at this very moment, that there was observed a movement in his jaw.
At that moment, when his eyelids raised and his dark brown eyes became visible, those eyes suddenly froze into what can only be described as a "death stare." His entire body turned absolutely to rock hard stone, with one exception. Almost as if it were a flag being lowered to half mast to signify someone had died, so his lower jaw began, ever so slowly, to lower.
It was later the object of much talk among the patriarchs of the church as to the final position of the man's lower jaw, and the resultant opening of the man's mouth. Each of the older men discussing this sight would even make guesses as to the size of various objects which, if pitch from the fourth pew, could have cleanly cleared his teeth.
After several minutes had passed and it became obvious to everyone that this man was not going to improve his condition, some of the church leaders rose, took him by the hands and led him back to his seat. Upon being back in his favorite place on the pew, he quickly recovered. Everyone looked glad to see that this strange condition left no apparent permanent effects.
No, I was not this man. But I believe it to be a true story. It is certainly the way most of the people who have a fear of public speaking view happening to themselves sooner or later. I did. And that's why I vowed I would never again take another speech class, or do any kind of public speaking for as long as I lived.
So why have I been teaching a Sunday School class for couples year in and year out? Why did I, for the better part of a year, fill in as supply pastor in a small Presbyterian church at their request, when I have no training as a pastor. I can honestly say before the Lord that I speak in his name with utter dependency on him. I do not seek, and would simply laugh at the suggestion that I have any confidence in myself in being witness to his name.
I joined a small Presbyterian church at the age of 11. If someone had asked me if I believed in Jesus, I would have said "yes." If someone would have asked if I believed God raised him from the dead, I would have said "yes." But the simple truth of the matter was, over the next ten years of my life, the fact that I believed these things made no difference in my life -- not in what I did and not in what I said.
And the reason it made no difference was because they were facts and nothing else. I believed in Jesus the way I believe in Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln. They lived and they did things, and I believe the history I read and heard about these men. In the same way, I believed what I read and was told about Jesus and what he said and did.
A medical researcher may know everything to know about the life saving property of insulin. But his knowledge by itself will not keep him alive if he's also a diabetic. He must take the insulin itself into his body. Another diabetic patient may know nothing at all about the chemical composition or molecular structure of insulin. All he knows is that he needs to receive it to live.
An intellectual knowledge of Jesus Christ is not enough. The scripture tells us that Satan and his demons have that. It certainly was not enough to cause me to stand for Jesus. It was not enough to cause a fundamental change in my life. Just knowing about Jesus made no real difference to me.
And then, in 1972 I read a book by Hal Lindsey. The title of the book is "The Late, Great, Planet Earth." The Holy Spirit used that book to speak to me. It told me of a God who did not just wind the world up like a top and released it to spin to its own conclusion. God, as pictured in this book and in Revelation, is the God who has a plan.
His love for us is so great, he allowed his Son to become the sinless sacrifice for us. Even while sin stormed our minds and gave flight to our hands and thoughts, he died our deserved death. And when I receive him, and totally trust and depend on only him as my righteousness, he places me into his eternal family, to share life with him for eternity.
During the reading of that book, it started to become clear as He also led me to read his Word very intently for many months. His Word finally brought me to the foot of the cross and I knelt and received Jesus as the Savior and Lord of my life. He adopted me into his own family and has made me his child forever.
And now, whenever I am called on to speak about my Savior, I just remember what he has done for me, and I have courage.
